Insanity

I am what you might call a "Freak Magnet". If there is a disconnected person around, I am the guy he or she will turn to when the urge to demonstrate their wobbly mental balance strikes. On top of that, I routinely travel the country from coast-to-coast, and when you frequently traverse such a wide swathe of American territory, you will encounter eccentricity and abnormality in all their manifest glory. All of these tales are true.

Once Upon a Time

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Once upon a time, during the Second Age of Man, there was a calm, misty kingdom called Lithium. It was ruled by the wise and fair King Crestor and his lovely, dreamy-eyed queen, Lunesta. It was a time of peace in Lithium; the war against the proud bandit-lord Norval from the desert wastes of Valsartan, […]

Anger Management Therapy

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Some time ago, after a particularly vitriolic post, an acquaintance contacted me to offer his opinion that I was/am in desperate need of anger management therapy. I responded to his pop-psychological critique of my intracranial workings by informing him that this is my anger management therapy. Something pisses me off, and instead of causing a […]

It Happened In Texas

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I spent the last 11 days working in Texas. It’s a really special place. Everybody is so jolly and normal. And they don’t hardly ever do stupid shit. And they hardly never act like fuckwit rednecks. Shit, it’s a little slice of fuckin’ paradise down there. With a side of handguns. When In Doubt, Run […]

Fire in the Hole, Part Three

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And now, for your reading (and third-grade philosophy) enjoyment: Part III of Fire in the Hole. Downstairs with Denny So, I was downstairs, smoking and scoping out an access point so I could drive across the lawn to my apartment, when I ran in to my downstairs neighbor, Denny. Don’t know Denny’s last name. Don’t […]

Fire in the Hole, Part II

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And now, the continuing saga of getting a bunch of my stuff burned up, coated with soot, waterlogged, and otherwise fucked up. 7:31 AM Sitting up in bed, I squinted at the flashing light on the wall of my motel room and listened to the harsh sound of the fire alarm. “Really?” I said aloud. […]

Fire in the Hole, Part 1

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OK, so, for my next little essay I had planned on talking about the wonderful occasion that was the FreeOK convention in Tulsa that happened a couple of weeks back. Ah, but then I ended up having one of those days I’m so fond of telling you about, one of those days that simply befuddle […]

OK, So THAT Happened…

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You ever have a day where the world throws wide its living room drapes and lets you take a good long gander at what’s really happening on the other side of that cheerful, ordinary suburban glass. Have you? I have those all the time. This all happened about a week ago. One: You Can’t Be […]

Recombinant Whack-A-Mole

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I am not a fighter. I’m not a lover. I guess primary skills are rising my wrist and being an impenitent smart-ass. And the two have been known to join forces, thereby ensuring my participation in situations that, while off-the-charts stupid, can occasionally be quite diverting. Sense a tale looming on the horizon? Bully for […]

The Original Freak

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Where did it all begin? When was it that I first took stock of my latest interaction with someone from the Weird Side of the Street and said to myself: What am I? A freak magnet? Was it the day in 1994 that a woman with a PhD in history explained to be that there […]

Another Foray into the Dato-O-Sphere

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After the discouraging results of my first leap into the otherworldly world of on-line dating—a land rife with English-disabled prostitutes and certifiable whack-a-doos—I took a deep breath and decided to give it another go, this time on a site recommended by several people who seem to have gotten the hang of the whole internet romance […]