Insanity

I am what you might call a "Freak Magnet". If there is a disconnected person around, I am the guy he or she will turn to when the urge to demonstrate their wobbly mental balance strikes. On top of that, I routinely travel the country from coast-to-coast, and when you frequently traverse such a wide swathe of American territory, you will encounter eccentricity and abnormality in all their manifest glory. All of these tales are true.

Anger Management Therapy

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Some time ago, after a particularly vitriolic post, an acquaintance contacted me to offer his opinion that I was/am in desperate need of anger management therapy. I responded to his pop-psychological critique of my intracranial workings by informing him that this is my anger management therapy. Something pisses me off, and instead of causing a […]

It Happened In Texas

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I spent the last 11 days working in Texas. It’s a really special place. Everybody is so jolly and normal. And they don’t hardly ever do stupid shit. And they hardly never act like fuckwit rednecks. Shit, it’s a little slice of fuckin’ paradise down there. With a side of handguns. When In Doubt, Run […]

Fire in the Hole, Part Three

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And now, for your reading (and third-grade philosophy) enjoyment: Part III of Fire in the Hole. Downstairs with Denny So, I was downstairs, smoking and scoping out an access point so I could drive across the lawn to my apartment, when I ran in to my downstairs neighbor, Denny. Don’t know Denny’s last name. Don’t […]

Fire in the Hole, Part II

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And now, the continuing saga of getting a bunch of my stuff burned up, coated with soot, waterlogged, and otherwise fucked up. 7:31 AM Sitting up in bed, I squinted at the flashing light on the wall of my motel room and listened to the harsh sound of the fire alarm. “Really?” I said aloud. […]

Fire in the Hole, Part 1

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OK, so, for my next little essay I had planned on talking about the wonderful occasion that was the FreeOK convention in Tulsa that happened a couple of weeks back. Ah, but then I ended up having one of those days I’m so fond of telling you about, one of those days that simply befuddle […]

OK, So THAT Happened…

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You ever have a day where the world throws wide its living room drapes and lets you take a good long gander at what’s really happening on the other side of that cheerful, ordinary suburban glass. Have you? I have those all the time. This all happened about a week ago. One: You Can’t Be […]

Recombinant Whack-A-Mole

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I am not a fighter. I’m not a lover. I guess primary skills are rising my wrist and being an impenitent smart-ass. And the two have been known to join forces, thereby ensuring my participation in situations that, while off-the-charts stupid, can occasionally be quite diverting. Sense a tale looming on the horizon? Bully for […]

The Original Freak

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Where did it all begin? When was it that I first took stock of my latest interaction with someone from the Weird Side of the Street and said to myself: What am I? A freak magnet? Was it the day in 1994 that a woman with a PhD in history explained to be that there […]

Another Foray into the Dato-O-Sphere

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After the discouraging results of my first leap into the otherworldly world of on-line dating—a land rife with English-disabled prostitutes and certifiable whack-a-doos—I took a deep breath and decided to give it another go, this time on a site recommended by several people who seem to have gotten the hang of the whole internet romance […]

My Magnet is Alive and Kicking

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I have officially (almost) relocated to my new digs, far from the Wilds of Oklahoma, and right smack into what you might call the Wilds of Urban Oklahoma. And the big news is…? My Freak Magnet is alive and kicking. Gus the Football-Playing Disney Mule didn’t kick like my little ‘ol magnet is kickin’ these […]