Star Trek ala Tarantino

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Earlier this week, one of the many spies I employ to keep tabs on Hollywood arrived at my door in the dark of night, sweating and trembling. She passed an envelope to me, clutched briefly at my hand, and dove out of sight into some hedges. Once secured in my office, I opened the package, […]

The Exotic Booze Club: An Interview with Brian Armstrong

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Brian Armstrong is an Australian-born filmmaker and booze-hound. Founder and president of Red Rock films, he has spent the last couple of decades roaming the globe searching for scenes of natural beauty and/or housing dangerous animals. His films, now totaling fifty and rising, have been seen on National Geographic TV and the Discovery Channel’s annual […]

Relative Relationship

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Good evening. Thanks for this opportunity to undress a few things. I am filled with humidity and internally grateful. People said I shouldn’t say anything, that I would make a skeptical of myself, but I told them, in no discerning terms, not to worry. See, if I reprehend one thing in this world, it’s my […]

Profiles in Bowel Movements: Jeff Sessions

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Profile In Bowel Movements, Jeff Sessions: Jeff Sessions was born in 1864, the 37th son of Ellierosemaekumquat Get-Together and Roscoe “Darkie Shoveler” Sessions. In 1922, upon turning 13, he gave birth anally to his own first child, christening him Milo Yiannopoulos. During the pellmell year of 1947, the 58 year-old Sessions came to the attention […]

Sneaking Up On Underthings

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It was high time to visit my undergarments silos in Denver, but after what happened last time… No. Better leave that alone for now, except to say I nagged my solicitor, Worthbottom Hoon, into joining me. Hoon agreed, said he needed a break from post-sexualized poetry. His most recent submission to Verse Quarterly— Stump! Stump! […]

Strolling the Boredwalk

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There we were, my lady friend and I, strolling along the boredwalk, though we were probably less board than other pedestrians. I was busy admiring my lady friend’s carriage, and losing myself in her glistening, candied eyes. They are the exact size, shape and color as chocolate-covered almonds. If you’re saying to yourself, “Hey, where […]

The Best Movies Released Before 1970

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A group of us tried to come up with a short list of exemplary pre-1970 movies. The goal was a maximum of 20. I couldn’t winnow mine down below 25, and even making that number was painful. They are presented here in no particular order. And before you start smacking me around for omitting one […]

A Song for The Donald

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He Is the Very Model of a Scary Individual A Song Inspired By “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General” From Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Pirates of Penzance He is the very model of a sleazy individual, No information reputable, rational, or literal, He dotes on neo-Nazis, and quotes only sites inimical, From FOX […]

Ancestral Intoxication

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Intoxication has been interwoven with human culture since about five minutes after we decided we were in favor of culture and sat down to map some out over a few jars of beer. Over the next several millennia our forebears contrived a truly astonishing array of ways to go on a bender, and an equal […]

Biodynamic Bushwa

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Opening Salvo Today, we’re going to chat about one of the trendiest, most debated, and most passionately idiotic areas of the wine biz: biodynamics. (This is the part where I piss-off a whole bunch of really nice, really delusional, people.) Loosely defined (cuz that’s the only way it can be), biodynamics (BD) is a set […]