A Song for The Donald

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He Is the Very Model of a Scary Individual

A Song Inspired By

“I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General”

From Gilbert and Sullivan’s

The Pirates of Penzance


He is the very model of a sleazy individual,
No information reputable, rational, or literal,
He dotes on neo-Nazis, and quotes only sites inimical,
From FOX online to Info Wars, and some more atavistical;
He’s not one bit acquainted too with doings scientifical.
He’s fuzzy on distinctions, both the mortal and celestial,
About uterinal systems he’s lacking the most basic clues—
With prepubescent fears about the fangs in every girl’s hoo-hoo.

He’s very good at inguinal and endocrinal puffery,
He defends his grizzled schmeckel in penile demagoguery
In short, in matters reputable, rational, or literal,
He is the very model of a schizoid individual.

He peddles right-wing lunacy, Saint Ronald and divine NASDAQ,
And pitches crude conniptions, with a petty zest for vain payback,
He bleats and bitches in a style most Iguanodonical,
Mouth a grand cloaca voiding thoughts most gastrointestinal.
He is idolized by Caucasions like David Duke and Coultergeist,
Among his naive sycophants he’s like a stopgap Jesus Christ,
He belittles wounded soldiers and rants about a great big wall,
But cringed from service in his day: the search continues for his balls.

His chest thumping exaltations suggest a Roman comedy,
As he goads his minions forward into pungent antipathy.
In short, in matters reputable, rational, or literal,
He is the very model of a noxious individual.

In fact, he lacks a single speck of competence or savoir-faire,
And no one can distinguish between Cheetos and his grotesque hair.
With his gruesome Putin man-crush and inner tularemia
He emits an effusion of despotic schizophrenia.
Each speech is a flatulent screed tumescent with hyperbole,
Unhinged diatribes replete with boastful, low-rent turgidity:
His lack of martial expertise should rouse our soldiers’ enmity,
Finding a more perfect goon’s a rank impossibility.

Our name was just recovering from eight-years of Bush-ite sophistry,
But this malefic misanthrope spells cataclysmic entropy.
Because in matters reputable, rational, or literal,
He is the very model of a nightmare individual!

One Response to "A Song for The Donald"
  1. cheatsinside says:

    I couldn’t resist commenting. Well written!

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