The Alarming Suckiness of Lists

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This online list thing annoys the bejesus out of me. It’s infantile reportage; click-hungry peek-a-boo; a cheap incitement for us to (briefly; minimally) engage with the inane and the mediocre.

I promised myself I would not succumb to the trend. I failed.

From now on, it’s all lists for me.


These 5 Pictures Will Forever Change the Way You Look at Genital Warts.

The 10 Most Startling Things Ever Said by a Freudian Impersonating Santa Claus.

9 Ways to Achieve Orgasm While Running from Antonin Scalia.

Here are 4 Good Reasons to Leave Competitive Shoplifting.

14 Ways to Know For Sure Your Fiancé Ate All the Snausages.

The 2 Best Ways to Reduce Humanity to Binary Categories.

A Doctor Debunks the Anthropophagus Diet in 8 Scrumptious Steps.

Never Say These 3 Things to Your Mother-In-Law After Bedtime.

12 Hilarious Comebacks to Mother Theresa (No. 9 Will Make You Pee).

Mixologists: 7 Stress-free Ways to Beat them to Death.

The 1 Pick-Up Line to Use on a Shut-In.

11 More Reasons to Tickle a Nun.

Carbuncles: 6 Lucrative Measures of Success.

These 13 Tweets Will Destroy Your Faith in Differential Calculus.

And now I’m going to drink myself into a coma.


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