Madison/Tanner Diaries: OMG!!! Just when you think LIFE will SLOW DOWN

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School might be out, but there is NO REST for THIS family, I guarantee!! My exceptional youngsters, little Madison and little Tanner, are the WHIRLING DERVISHES of SOCIALIZING!! Little Tanner rehearses three night EVERY WEEK with his performance-art collective, GOLGOTHA BONGWATER. They have been invited to strut their SATIRICAL STUFF at the MAYOR’S annual PONY UP for the POOR (YOU OVER-FED DICK-HOLES) FUNDRAISER! How COOL is that??? Raising awareness for the impoverished AND setting DIAPHRAGMS on FIRE while DRESSED as an ANABAPTIST MIME?!?!?! Oh MY WORD!!!! Can you say ART?? EYE sure can!! And little Madison’s life is just as GOLLY-DURN-IT hectic!! Oh MY WORD!!!! Her punk-soul band, TIT DIRT, has just been accepted to PLAY the BUDWEISER & TEDIUM FESTIVAL this summer!!! They are OPENING for OUCH, THAT’S MY PUBES and BRYAN ADAMS!!!! Eeeeeeeek!!!! And, of COURSE, there must be FAMILY TIME!!! RIGHT??? On Memorial Weekend, we made our ANNUAL TREK to OREGON and WEST VIRGINIA to run through the WOODS wearing our BIGFOOT and WAMPUS BEAST FEET!!! Two — COUNT ‘EM, TWO — of little Tanner’s DEVIL DOG tracks were shown on MOUNTAIN MONSTERS last year!!!! And little Madison’s MOTH MAN IMPERSONATION really, really, really, made that truckload of BEARDS and SHOTGUNS jump around like PEAS on a HOT SHOVEL!!! They even URINATED SLIGHTLY!!! (Good thing they were wearing their Mossy Oak!!!) Well…when we finally got back to town, we IMMEDIATELY had to PREPARE for the monthly meeting of the CITY-WIDE RUGBY, CAULIFLOWER, HIP-FLASK & BERIBERI COMMITTEE. And since the meetings are always FORMAL DRESS, we had to schedule ENCUTMENTS for our AGGREGATE HAIRS. Stress??? OMG!!! TTYL!!

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