Madison/Tanner Diaries: OMG!!! It’s Springtime already!!

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It won’t be long before my cherubs, little Madison and little Tanner, get to CUT LOOSE for summer vaca, but school ain’t over YET!!! No WAY!! In some ways, it’s like it’s just getting RAMPED UP!!! And BOY am I bushed. It’s just meeting, after meeting, after appointment, after assignation! Where do these little SCAMPS get the ENERGY?? When I was their age, I had to mainline COCAINE!! Here’s just ONE DAY of our weekly calendar — last Monday to be fully accurate. 0700: Roll out of Bed. 0715: Feed the fruit flies and rake the sand in the komodo paddock. 0730: Breakie — Fruity Gerbil Loops, saguaro juice, and drippings from the Bucket on marbled rye. 0800: SCHOOL. Egads!! But they are EVEN BUSIER there that AT HOME!!! Little Madison had an editorial meeting for the school paper — L’enfante Terrible — to format the third part in her ongoing series on the ins and outs of spoon-feeding paralytics in ZERO GRAVITY, followed by ANTI-Cheerleader PRACTICE (no pompoms, just bottles of gasoline, and all the chants are naughty limericks), and then it was HomeEc, where she gave a WINNING presentation on how best to bind pigeons so they won’t explode in the microwave. And TANNER!! HOLY BEJIMMINIES!!! First he was dissecting fetuses in BIO LAB, then two hours of CONVERSATIONAL BULGARIAN, and then he was off a meeting of the Imitation Crab-Meat Salad & Masochism Society, where he is acting PLENIPOTENTIARY!!! These rapscallions NEVER STOP!!! I am just about THIS POOPED. Good thing I refilled by prescriptions, RIGHT!!! SEE YA!! WOULDN’T WANNA BE YA!!!

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